Boy, am I glad it's spring! After a fun summer, ending with a trip to Disney in September and then Elise's 7th birthday at the end of that month, the fall and winter were HARD for us. Nana (Betsy's mom) was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in November and spent 11.5 weeks in the hospital. During the time she was there, we celebrated Isaac's 9th birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. She was discharged in mid-January, and then the Mauney family got sick. Some kind of virus with body aches and high fever went through each of us over the course of 3 weeks. Once we were well, Steven's body took a nosedive into a dark season of depression. The months of February and March were very hard for him. We celebrated Grace's 4th birthday in February. Mom started chemo that same month.
On April 7th, exactly 5 months after her initial diagnosis, Mom was admitted to the hospital for another week long stay, with life-threatening complications from the chemo. Thankfully she is now back home and recovering from the impact to her body. And here we are. It feels like a tornado has come through our family.
We are still here, but there has been some damage that needs repair. Our stress hormones have kicked into overdrive to handle all that's happened. We have learned to cling more tightly to God and each other than ever before. And we're learning what life is really about - love. Loving well.
I have lots of pictures and videos on my phone from the past 6 months, but I haven't blogged them or printed them. I am trusting that the time will come to catch up. In the meantime, I am going to try and start blogging again and do what I can. I want our kids (and us!) to have memories from this time.
But more than pictures and stories, I want them to know that when things got hard, Jesus held us. When we didn't know what to pray, He prayed for us. When we needed a hug, He provided one of His kids to wrap their arms around us - even total strangers. And now, when we can't see the future, He can. And it doesn't look scary to Him. He is never going to drop us and let the bottom fall out. It's already fallen out, and He had us securely under His wing the whole time. That's what I want my kids to know.
Isaac, Elise, Grace, and Cole - when you are old enough to read this, please know that what Jesus did for me during this season (and my whole life), He does for you. There's never a place you go where He isn't with you. There's never a struggle you'll have that He doesn't understand. There's never a word you'll say that He can't handle listening to. He sees you. He knows you. He loves you.
I hope you remember the times we danced to Skillet's song "Stars". The words are powerful and true. Never forget that the One who holds the stars in place also holds tightly to your hearts, my precious ones.
"Stars"
You spoke a word and life began
Told oceans where to start and where to end
You set in motion time and space
But still you come and you call to me by name
Still you come and you call to me by name
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
The deepest depths, the darkest nights
Can't separate, can't keep me from your sight
I get so lost, forget my way
But still you love and you don't forget my name
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
If you can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
(Lifting up my heart)
If you can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
You're the one who holds the stars
