As Christmas Day comes to an end, I am the only one awake in our house at 10 PM. Well, Grace and Elise have been playing together in their room, but they just had me tuck them in for (hopefully) the last time. Steven and Cole are snoozing on the couch and Isaac is snuggled in his bed. I am admiring the lights of our real, 9 foot tree. The tree that hold ornaments from each year of our marriage and lots of handmade kiddo ones. While thanking God for an amazing day with our family and extended family, I pondered some moments in the past couple days that really blessed my heart.
The first was at our church's Christmas Eve service last night. Steven was playing in the band and I had all four kids with me in the service. The kids did great overall, but I did have to take Grace out during the message and leave her with the toddlers in her usual class. Once I got back in the gym, Cole was ready to nurse, so I sat between Isaac and Elise and began feeding him. Shortly thereafter it was time for the candles to be lit. Isaac and Elise were both excited about this part. Isaac was on the end of our row, so his candle was lit by an usher who walked up the aisle. I thought Elise's would be lit by the person on her other side who I was watching and waiting for. But before I knew it, Isaac carefully leaned over me, got Elise's attention and proceeded to light her candle. She was thrilled! In that very moment, I was overcome with emotion. My boy-man, my firstborn was lighting his little sister's candle. I can't describe exactly what I felt, but a sweet softness in my heart jumped up to my eyes and tears burst out. I didn't bawl, but my eyes were moistened with those tears for the rest of the singing. I don't know if it was that they are growing up and this is the first year Isaac actually was able to light Elise's candle on his own... or if it was that he took the initiative to reach out to her and take care of it for her... It was just beautiful and I was so thankful to watch such a small, yet precious, moment occur.
Today, our family of 6 spent the morning together opening gifts, eating cinnamon rolls (the greatest kind, by Immaculate Baking Co.), lighting all the Advent candles and talking about Jesus, and napping. Rather, Steven took a morning nap. Haha! About noon my parents, sister, and bro-in-law came over. We had sandwiches for lunch around the table and then headed to the living room to open presents. Isaac, Elise, and Grace each opened their big gift from my parents first - a Kindle Fire! Isaac and Grace were happy and thankful, but Elise was over-the-moon elated. She couldn't believe she actually had her own device! Her very own! And she smiled her million dollar smile and then thanked my parents for the gift. Once the kids started playing on their Fires, I breathed a minute and looked around the room. It was perfect. Christmas music was playing, Christmas lights were on, my family was all around me, my children were happy, my husband was happy (playing with the kids)... it was just the best feeling. I loved that moment. I soaked it up. I am learning how incredibly fast life goes, and if I don't embrace each moment and try to live in the present every day, I miss it! When it's gone, it's gone for good. This was an amazing moment... Today was an amazing moment in my life. There weren't any crazy high dollar gifts, fancy food or ritzy clothes... There was just a bunch of loving each other, hugs with our kiddos, water spills, changing wet clothes, cuddling with Cole, smiling while others opened the gifts we picked out especially for them, and Christmas music... and two funny Christmas movies at the end of the day, which we were honored to be able to enjoy with my parents. It was a wonderful day and will always be one of those childhood Christmas memories for my kids to hold onto.
When I think that one year ago today we had no idea I was pregnant with Cole (I was, and I found out on December 27, 2014), it blows my mind. If someone told me last Christmas that in one year I would be holding a 4.5 month old baby in my arms this Christmas, I wouldn't have believed them! Our precious baby Cole came fast! The pregnancy came faster than we expected, he was born 3.5 weeks early, and his delivery was about 6 hours from start to finish. I just know he is supposed to be here and God got him here in the right time, even though we were a little surprised at the speed of things.
So, this Christmas, I am thankful for my big kids growing up into sweet, talkative little people with minds of their own and completely unique personalities. I am thankful that Grace is the funniest little child I have ever met, with her statements often sounding like this, "You do that, boo boo!" or "Let's do this, doo dee!" Or "I love you, Meh-meh!" I am thankful to have another precious baby to hold and culddle with, and this time around I think I've actually learned to enjoy him. Even while I am sleep deprived and beat tired, I am enjoying him. I am realizing how swiftly this time goes and I am determined to make the most of it with his tiny days. I am thankful for my man, who selflessly works so hard for us to enjoy a lovely home and a safe, healthy, thriving life.
This past year has contained more change and growth for our family than I ever would have chosen for only one year. Having a baby, selling a house, buying a house, and buying a car all within four months (and the first three were within 8 weeks!) is definitely more than I would recommend to anyone. But we did it, we survived and we aren't too worse for the wear. I did feel that I was under the most stress of my life while our house was on the market this summer and I was pregnant with 3 kids and a dog. Keeping the house clean and tidy all the time was more than I had energy for. And then getting negative feedback that caused us to continually do small improvements on the house added to the stress for me. Then Cole came early. Totally unexpected. That was a stressor. And 8 days later (after about 6 or so showings during Cole's first week of life!!) we got an offer on our house. A lowball offer that we had to negotiate on. More stress! And then the inspection and the requests to do silly little things! Stress!! Oh, we thought that was bad. I had no idea a move was kinda like having a baby. So, we moved when Cole was 8 weeks old. Much more stress! It has taken me a while to get those stress levels back down. In fact, I don't think I'm back to my normal yet, but I am on an upswing from the worst of it. I am looking forward to some simple, low stress months at the start of 2016. I know life will contain its share of natural stressors, but we aren't planning anything to keep us busier than the busy-ness that comes with raising four kids and homeschooling them. My plan is to meditate with the Lord, drink coffee (and maybe give bone broth a try, too), teach my kids in a low-stress, joy-filled way, read good books (to my kids and myself), take baths and learn to work our hot tub, have lots of park days with fellow homeschool Mommas, do exercise that brings me joy, enjoy (LOTS of) rich fellowship with friends, breathe deeply as often as possible, eat delicious healthy food, and hold/hug/kiss my kids as much as they'll let me.
I am thankful for the gifts of 2015 - a LIFE! a BABY! a SON!!! and a house, a new neighborhood, new neighbors (including my parents and sis!), a new van... but I am looking forward to 2016 which I hope will be a year of learning to care for myself, thriving in homeschooling, enjoying my family, and resting in the Lord through it all...
